WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO DEFY THE WHOLE 2 FACES MANTRA……..

 

When I asked you if I could grace the foyer, I had an image in mind but I had to fully get my heart right.

I am delivering you 2; 1 1in MEMORY of the Dr. Wayne Story, Sr. and 1 so that with everyone who walks through those doors, they too can understand that what you have within they do also and must not leave with those innate gifts, skills, talents and brilliance.

I thought about how you gifted us with your dad.

I thought about how we laughed at his shananigans.

I thought about how your heart went out to those caregivers.

I thought about how you served the community.

I thought about how even in your brokenness you were in the sandwiched generation.

I thought about how you mommied in our face.

I thought about you how relied on no one but you to provide the dignity your dad deserved.

I thought about how you allowed us in the world of dementia.

I thought about the times you chose to be vulnerable.

I thought about how you lived out loud and allowed us to travel with you.

 

I thought about how you juggled life and living and did it effortlessly and I know it was hard at times BUT YOU DID IT AND DID IT SUCCESSFULLY AND UNAPOLOGETICALLY BECAUSE YOU LOVE OLD PEOPLE.

 

 

I thought are you BULKING OUT MELODIOUS NOTES of healing confirmation and soothing the soul.

 

I thought about you penning SHOW UP EMPTY, show up with MUCH to be poured into while being FULL.

 

I thought about you peening LIFE’S INTERRUPTIONS and the fact that interruptions are bound to happen, are going to happen are predicted to happen but the characters in who moved my cheese (HEM, HAW, SKIM AND SCURRY) were you  but it was that I LOVE YOU FOREVER and GIVING TREE part of you that said, IT IS WHAT IT IS AND SHALL BE WHO GOD ORDAINED AND PRODUCE WHAT I HAVE WTIHIN and I sat on the sidelines, cheering, screaming and waiving and TAKING NOTES.

 

I thought about you making BOWTIES for men and women that add that extra touch of dignity, humanity, beauty and makes the most inaudible statement. It is with your hands GOD has gifted you to heal, care, share, make lives better and easier and pity us if we miss it.

 

I thought about you being a NURSE and you know when you NURSE for real for real, you do it GENUINELY and NATURALLY no matter the situation and space.

 

I thought about you and your ARM CANDY, you see there is something about accentuations. They ENHANCE a dark day and color. They make things stand out and get noticed, they make a little girl feel pretty and like she is someone special because of your touch.

 

The most heavy of thoughts was of how you HELD YOUR DAD’s HEART, SPIRIT, SOUL and HAND from beginning to end.

 

YOU my Elizabeth, Mentor, Big Sister made us reflect.

YOU were instrumental in some getting it right with their parents.

YOU had an open door or facebook page to walk those through who were facing this mental DIS EASE.

YOU taught us indirectly what forgiveness resemble.

YOU taught me the importance of family and how love works.

Yet, I didn’t fully get it until I lost my Hunny Bun.

 

Sometimes it is good to LOOK BACK especially when you gave everything your all, did your all and LOVED was the center, you have to be reminded to see what you did when you did that liberates others to do and be the same!

 

 

This prize woman I hold near and dear handed this to the girls, I notice just about everything she does, says and don’t do and say. I have a strong sense that she painted this covering although she refused to address my ask.

 

I FEEL SHE DID IT ANYONE and even if she didn’t SHE CAN AND DOES.

 

When you understand love, care, sisterhood and friendship, for us that is what we do.

 

This was wrapped up in a book by one of our front line protesters De Nichols who dissected all parts of ARTISTRY you can get in this movement and in life.

Whatever your ART

Whatever your SKILL

Whatever your TALENT

Whatever your GIFT

Whatever your PASSION

Whatever your JUSS

If you are NOT embodying these words of the great NINA SIMONE then you are NOT for authentic liberation of LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS FOR ALL TO LIVE IN A JUST AND EQUITABLE WORLD.

Individualized
Education
Plan

They like art, ART is what they do

They like sports, SPORT is what they do

They like science, SCIENCE is what they do

They like history, history is what they do

The learning is what they want to do and enjoy doing.

Who would’ve imagine that I penned these words below on the 24th of November and 5 days later my friend would gift the girls with a book dissecting the MANY ART FORMS?

Art comes in many forms:
Collage
Fashion
Culinary
Film
Video
Photography
Performance
Illustration
Sculpture
Graphic
Typography
Painting
Calligraphy
Electronic
Digital
Weaving
Tapestry
Ceramic
Packaging
Designers
LIFE AND LIVING.

I am eager to be in spaces with faces I haven’t in a minute, creating art.

THANK YOU!

MANTRA & MONTAGE!

The mantra Til Death Do Us Part is nothing but a montage of our meeting, depositing, withdrawing, living, learning, growing and become with another. Thank you for planting, investing, uprooting, brining yo sunshine, wisdom, love, open heart and arms into our lives. In these 15 years of marriage, I am elated that you played an intricate role in our FULL BLOOM.

You don’t have any of this in our union but in this NEW CHAPTER, I am elated you are a character on this scene and not sure about the plot but God connected us for a reason, season or lifetime and I pray it is the latter.

 

Lisa Barrett Anthony, thank you for sharing your journey with me.

Thank you for allowing me in the most broken part of you.

Thank you for being vulnerable.

Thank you for your transparency.

Thank you for your strength even in your weakness.

Thank you for your devotion in the lives of children America quickly, willfully, legislatively and knowingly write off.

Thank you for your love of teaching.

Thank you for being the woman that is called, anointed, appointed and equipped to reposition our future and send them on towards greatness.

When you told me that you lost your husband in September also, I knew I had to pen you words of inspiration, motivation and encouragement because this is what I do other than cuss at times.

In my THANK YOU CARD, the tributed I penned above was an insert as a picture to all who invested in our marriage over the past 15 years and who had a hand in the woman and mother I am still evolving and I pray you find these words healing.

Also, join me in this activity, I have asked women who have lost their husbands what was inside of them to go on and create, reach for and obtain the woman they seemingly lost or suppressed because of their marriage.

I ask this one poignant question, After Your Death Do Us Part, How Did You Discover Yourself?

There is a reason in ALL OF THIS messiness and as BLACK WOMEN, we will uproot it and heal it ALL.

You are my sister and I’ll Keepya!

 

She embodied her name, like for real for real she did.

 

FOSTER is to bring up, assist, promote, cultivate, encourage, rear, raise, bring up, further, stimulate and other terms that is synonymous to the woman she was and impact she made in our lives in East St. Louis School District 189.

 

GOD blessed her with 2 biological daughters but she has maaaaaaany other children that walked through the halls of Rock Jr. High School and Lincoln Sr. High School.

 

BEFORE Finding Forrester

BEFORE The Great Debaters

BEFORE Freedom Writers

 

WE HAD MRS. ARTANUE FOSTER, she taught oratory skills, mastery and confidence.

We say SPEECH but she was MORE than a SPEECH teacher.

She taught assurance

She taught motivation

She taught self reliance

She taught belief in one’s ability

She taught collaboration

She taught faith in what we didn’t see, know or understand

She taught credibility

She taught unity

She taught KNOWledge

She taught certainty

She taught trust

SHE TAUGHT FINANCIALLY CHALLENGED CHILDREN AND HAD MANY STATE TITLES IN ORATORY. SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT WE WERE JUST AS GOOD IF NOT BETTER THAN THOSE WHO ARE HANDED EVERYTHING, SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT JUST BECAUSE WE WEREN’T SHE BROUGHT OUT WHAT WAS INNATE.

She taught us how to look at our environment and then retreat inward and bring out greatness

She taught us understand our audience and bring them up to where we were

She taught us how to use our vocal ranges to grasp the attention of our audience

She taught us how how to speak and look in the eye of those whose attention we needed

What I remember about her is her contagious laughter and crazy sense of humor.

She didn’t get mad often but when she did,  I knew I had messed up.

I met her in middle school at Rock Jr. High and my sister had her, I just hung out in her classroom all of the time.

I just loved her spirit, I loved her genuine love of our community and I loved her as a person.

I always wanted to know why those I loved, upheld and admired children weren’t around us, where were they?

She would bring Caprice and Christian up to the school when we had those days and they stood out, they spoke differently, they were differently I guess this is my failure to my own; not exposing them to the great side of life or living.

I wanted to give our children what Mrs. Foster and teachers of her generation gave us around us, over us and about us and well; I am finally learning the error of my ways because this is NOT how it works.

Yet, I can say I was honored to have her as a teacher. Although, never on her roster but I WAS HER STUDENT AND SHE WAS MY TEACHER.

She will indeed be missed greatly but her legacy MUST continue in the lives of children.

She encouraged critical thinking and inquisitiveness.

She encouraged us to analyze print and spoken words.

She encouraged us to write persuasively, expository, narratively and descriptively.

She encouraged us to not only listen but understand the unspoken and spoken body language.

She also encouraged us to perform because this is indeed what she did; lead in performative lingo.

BECAUSE of her seeds

BECAUSE of her professionalism

BECAUSE of her devotion

BECAUSE of her vision

BECAUSE of her passion

BECAUSE of her compassion

BECAUSE of her sincerity

BECAUSE of her Artanuisms

I AM!

Dr. Hood is my muse behind this……..

 

THANKS was something we were taught to say when someone did something kind, considerate and unexpected. You didn’t have an options if you wanted to or not, it was INSTILLED in us and today you barely get a response, eye contact or full sentences. FIXED INCOME!

 

BE THANKFUL for whatever you have was what our elders would say. They never told us that they didn’t have much because they didn’t answer to children and what was painted wasn’t the truth. They never said that they are living paycheck to paycheck and what they got was the best they could do. They did not allow little kids to disrespect or reject what they presented. We were MADE to eat what was prepared, accept what was given and any compliment given because none of it HAD to be. Today our children feel like they have options of the affluent and they are learning more and more that we have an illusion of progress but we are STILL denied, rejected, oppressed and in lack but understand how to make do with what we have and enjoy where we are and be thankful on that FIXED INCOME.

 

Our elders raised us to be THANKERS because it was just humane, considerate, respectful, showing appreciation, courteous, showing we taught manners, gratitude, ethics, reliability, credibility and integrity and we wanted to represent our family in the highest esteem possible. They were the ones in the homes of WF teaching their young how to do and be these things of worth while denying their own and well yep, they did it on a FIXED INCOME.

 

This THANKLESSNESS we see from this generation somehow have convinced themselves that being considerate, respectful and other things our elders ENFORCED was toxic, disrespectful and other ridiculousness. Our elders just demanded upstanding citizens and today they most immoral, unjust, illegal, lazy, inept, ineffective and incompetent ones are teaching them, speaking over them and imparting in their gates (eyes, ears, souls and spirits) DAILY inside of these educational institutions. Malcolm X said, “ONLY A FOOL WOULD ALLOW THE ENEMY TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILDREN.” The truth is why our youth sound, look and act totally unfamiliar to our culture today because well; they are FREE to look, act and sound just like the ENEMY but the outcomes aren’t the same for them as it is for their children; yet our elders did this and demanded this while being unschooled, uneducated and on a FIXED INCOME.

 

THANKFULNESS is something taught during infancy and carried through gerontology. It is in you, it embodies you, it exudes you and it is not conditional. It is for the most minute things. It is for the most hardest people. It is for the most painful times. It is for the most darkest hours. It is for the good, bad, ugly and confusing. It is when the word says IN ALL THINGS GIVE THANKS. You can’t GIVE something you don’t have. SO therefore, this is a CHOICE we can choose to do, be and give. Our elders were adamant about us showing THANKFULNESS for little as they were even on a FIXED INCOME.

 

THANKSGIVINGS of old was full of family, food, fun, love, laughter, memories. We had great WEALTH, RICHES and COMMUNITY when we had absolutely nothing. Today we hare MORE and less relationship, fellowship, bonding, and just shared space and face. I am guilty because I am not a real sociable person, I am an introverted socialite. I need 2 seconds to be in the midst of a group and then quickly alone; when I feel it becomes commercialized, instead of dampening people’s fantasies I remove myself because I get that it is in the creation of fond memories; it is STILL done on a FIXED INCOME.

 

THANKSWORTHY is ALL and EVERYTHING. How? Why?  Because it was and it did and it all made us grow. Seeds of all kinds are deposited and uprooted from us to heal us, mature us, show us and reposition us. ALL people are needed, ALL situations are need, ALL journey’s are essential. ALL experiences are preordered. ALL and no thing is by happenstance. Our prints are on everyone we have ever met, every experience we have ever faced and every interconnected foot we have crossed with as a reminder that even on our FIXED INCOME, they were ALL necessary.

 

THANKFULLY they were and it happened and you are STILL here. It is always more easier to look outside of ourselves and start comparing, start being unappreciative and not fully grasping that where we are and what we have is just for us and only us and it is for us to LOOK BACK and in all of our life’s journey, we MUST understand that OUR PRINTS are OURS and OUR pre was ordained before birth and well, this our ONE LIFE to live and that is what we MUST do before it all runs out as it will on our FIXED INCOME.

 

OUTTHANK is something we can never do, when we travel back to 1619 and prior, there is no such thing as OUTTHANKING anyone for anything. INTHANK is intuitive, it is within us and it is evident and can’t be forced just is because it is our FIXED INCOME.

 

UNTHANKED is what some feel along with unappreciated, unseen, unliked, unfavorable, unaccepted and many UNTRUTHS. When you know, YOU KNOW. When you do, YOU DO. When you show up, YOU WERE THERE. When you give, YOU HAVE GIVEN. Pat your owns elf on your back because of your maturation, healing, change of self direction and taking ownership of who you are and what you are becoming. No one need to or have to pat you on your back. sing your own praise and do what we have been conditioned not to do from those on FIXED INCOME and that is BOAST ON WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

 

THANKSGIVING 2021 is one of the hardest because those I held close, near and dear are no longer hear but it is a reality that they too must be taken from me like those I loved previously. This is a first one minus my husband and it has been hard, I have been thinking about how I would face this day and it has been difficult I must say so but I do know that I can either find myself consumed in what I had and STILL didn’t do or during this new CHAPTER, I do know that I will have many plots, themes, characters and settings so that our PROBLEMS can together create SOLUTIONS even if I am on a FIXED INCOME.

 

Difference in ages

 

Difference in experiences

 

Difference in exposures

 

Difference in journey’s

 

Difference in accumulations

 

Difference in wisdom

 

In all of our DIFFERENCES, we have one thing in common; OUR YEAR OF FIRSTS.

 

As we prepare to put one foot in front of the other minus our husbands, wives, children, parents, family members or  friends; with me do reflect on who they were, how enormously blessed we were that they not only chose us, loved us unconditionally but prepared a table before us in their absence to make sure we had no doubt of where their heart and love was.

 

This will be hard so don’t do it alone, allow your SISTERHOOD circles to surround you and support you and cater to you and love on you.

 

No matter if it was a husband, wife, parent, child, friend, family or job……

 

No matter what you lost this year of 2021, I learned that we have BIG deaths and little deaths, no matter which death, it is change, hurtful and hard to handle for some.

 

We got this!

I miss the old East Boogie! When families could call your last name and you know what that meant. If you weren’t reppin right and honoring it you understood and reprogram unnecessary time spent. I miss the old East Boogie! When parents had a hand in your business because you were a child and your understood your place. You honored your elders because they were older, more knowledgeable and you didn’t speak your peace or disrespect them in their face. I miss the old East Boogie! When we walked out the house, we looked professional and we had what we were taught, yep we had it all. Our elders never set us up to fall. I miss the old East Boogie! We were taught to speak well, carry ourselves with dignity, think critically and watch all around us as we travel to and fro. Any block we traveled was a block we could gladly go. I miss the old East Boogie! Traveling downtown where it was poppin with businesses and even they knew where we belonged, ya know what part of town. We could hang outside and not fear of being called on because we were allowed to shuck and jive and even clown. I miss the old East Boogie! Faces was a place tucked down in the trenches because that lifestyle was to be hidden. It was a belief system that to keep us going, family was everything and that lifestyle was said to be unforgiven. I miss the old East Boogie! To have freedom to be vocally disrespectful, rude, arrogant, and mouthy to the elders is something we just didn’t do. They were not going to work hard, long and hard for pennies and come home and take disrespect from their children too. I miss the old East Boogie! We were a community of many socioeconomic class. We also knew it was Mr. or Ms. and that is something unto us children, they didn’t have to ask. I miss the old East Boogie!  We had business owners and others who were hard working, honorable and self respecting women and men. We had greatness inside the walls of East Boogie and they started our trend. I miss the old East Boogie! The trick of the enemy was to put a wedge between the younger generations and the elders of our day and time, just as they have always had. We valued those times of wisdom, humor, living and life at the foot of the tree of our seniors and allowing them to spit knowledge over us so we can know our travels with predestined path. I miss the Old East Boogie! We would “go up the highway” and had to be clean as that thang just to shop. Once we got up St. Clair Ave., my world changed because Fairview Heights was the THEEEEEE HOT SPOT. I miss the old East Boogie! Grandpa Pigeon, Ventures, Kmart and the Mall; Fairview Heights was the central shopping space as we BLACK residents who elevated them and made them more assured that they could move farther out of our way. I miss the old East Boogie! Our elders weren’t afraid of the youth because it was indeed a code of inaudible respect. We allowed the enemy to come in, move in and we moved around them and took on their belief systems and ways and our culture we freely and gladly reject. I miss the old East Boogie!

YOU HAVE DIRECTION

YOU HAVE WISDOM

YOU HAVE HONOR

YOU HAVE A TRAIL

YOU HAVE LOYALITY

YOU HAVE SELF AWARENESS

YOU HAVE FAMILY

YOU HAVE FRIENDS

YOU HAVE FIERCENESS

YOU HAVE COMMUNITY

YOU HAVE INSIGHT

YOU HAVE CREATIVITY

YOU HAVE RESPECT

YOU HAVE HONOR

YOU HAVE

YOU HAVE ANSWERS

YOU HAVE HUMOR

YOU HAVE COMPASSION

YOU HAVE THE WHEREWITHALL

YOU HAVE WHAT WE ARE MISSING

 

 

Green is linked to nature, growth, wealth, renewal, rebirth, prosperity and stability; all of those descriptors are attached to you as a woman, nurturer and change agent.

 

In trying to find a way to thank you during the darkest hour of my life, I smiled and became grateful at how you covered, protected and supported me, shocked is not even the right word but honestly I am not, frfr.

 

I thought about the versatility of scarfs and how they makes a woman distinguished and how the same scarf can be worn at a soiree and at play and it sums you up.

 

When I see you, I see what I see that makes me feel how I feel but I see you, that part of you that speaks to your resilience, brilliance, intellect, wisdom, love, compassion, creativity, and mad skills, gifts and talents. I SEE THE TOTAL WOMAN, THE FULL MARY. I SEE YOU!

 

You come gliding and in every step of dignity, beauty and assurance I am made proud because of the evolution I got a chance to witness on the sidelines of your life.

 

During my most darkest hour of life, you had many hues of green. No matter whether it was light or dark; you brought life. You showed up and injected life. You spoke and infused in me life. You orchestrated and inserted life. You just was you and LIFE WAS ALWAYS BIRTHED.

 

I have no control

I have no magic wand

I have not desire to disrespect or overstep boundaries but it is what it is and I feel the way I feel and well, we know.

 

Thank you is what I can say but no matter if it is a:

shawl, covering, scarf, stole, cape, cloak, wrap or scarf……

 

YOU WEAR THEM WELL

YOU WEAR THEM CONFIDENTLY

YOU WEAR THEM IN MUCH BEAUTY

YOU WEAR THEM IN DIGNITY

YOU WEAR THEM WELL

 

Love ya my forever friend,

Me